I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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