I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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