is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
