Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
