so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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