I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
