no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't deserve a penis
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
