I smell stomach acid.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
