omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
