I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
