Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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