Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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