Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
