I wish I could punch you in the face.
I faked an abortion last night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hippo gnu deer
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
