Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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