There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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