Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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