Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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