Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
