I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
