john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
