i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
