Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
