Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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