dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
