I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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