My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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