U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
