that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
