I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
