I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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