I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
