You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
