Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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