it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
