I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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