Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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