did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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