you told grandpa to call you daddy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
