You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
