Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
