i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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