Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
