I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
