My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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