Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
