the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
