i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
