I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
