i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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