I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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