You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
