are you still at the devil's house?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My vagina is very pro this idea
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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