im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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