someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
