come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
