Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
