we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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