Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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