I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
